Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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