So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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