I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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