Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
