we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
