Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
