i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
