She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
