Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
