I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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