My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
