WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
