my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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