last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
