I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
