capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
