Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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