My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
