I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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