So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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