what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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