Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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