What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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