I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pants are for mortals
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
