Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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