Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize