the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
