Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
