It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
