There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
