Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
birth control should be required to get into college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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