He uses pillows to masturbate.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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