I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
