if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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