i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
