I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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