your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
As shirtless as possible
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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