Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
