somebody snuck up and got me drunk
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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