I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
