I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
