so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
