Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
