whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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