I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
