I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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