Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
