just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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