I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its not stalking. its research.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
