dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
