Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
