Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
