I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
they need to just BURY HIM!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
