Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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