Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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