I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
