I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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