i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
