I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
