I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
