Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
