You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
