saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
