I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
