I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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