Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
