He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
