you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
