Apparently you make a good broom.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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