Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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