I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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