at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
