Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
