Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
