No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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