i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
