Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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