i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
